V-Day update

Originally posted February 14, 2008

Since it's been a while there are some things, randomly hopefully, that I'll lay out here about what I'm thinking about and going through.

**** First off, as part of my budgeting from my tax return, I finally broke down to get an Ipod and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Seriously. It's awesome, but with every awesome thing if you don't stay balanced it will keep you up until 4:30 in the a.m. with endless opportunities. The one awesome part is that I'm just a click away from learning more about God through the literally gagillion podcasts that I have downloaded. A click or two from music is awesome as well!

****Podcast roll call – Here's what I'm subscribed to:
1. NewSpring Church (Perry Noble)- This is my church and I love it!!!!

2. Cornerstone Church of Ames – This was my church back in Iowa. I miss them dearly, but it's awesome that I can listen to Jeff, Troy, and Paul preach again. There style is different, straight from the bible verse by verse is how they've got it rollin' there, but it's always relevant and they have modern worship music. I got my start in sound there and I received Christ there so they will always have a special place in my heart. Jeff baptized me so he's obviously one of my favorites.

3. Joyce Meyer – God has used her to rock my world in MANY ways.

4. LifeChurch.TV – Heard a bit about them and thought I'd check them out.

5. Mars Hill Church (Mark Driscoll) – aside from NewSpring and Cornerstone, Mark Driscoll is one of my favorite pastors to listen to. I got tuned into his messages because of the Redeeming Ruth series which rocked my world. If I'd ever end up in Seattle I know which church I would go to!

6. Messenger International (John & Lisa Bevere) – I have some books from them, well Lisa at least, and there podcast seemed interesting.

7. North Point (Andy Stanley) – Checking them out, I'll have to get back to you.

8. Mosaic (Erwin McManus) – Same with checking them out.

****I have for the first time in my life not loathed the though of getting up and getting into the world on Valentine's Day. I finally realized why I hated the whole day in years past. It's suppose to (aside from being downplayed by commercialism) be boiling down the fact of someone pursuing your heart. I've never had a Valentine that I remember, ever. So internally I hated the fact that I wasn't getting pursued on V-Day. Well, this year is different. Someone is pursuing my heart and I can say that He rocks my socks. It is so awesome to know that I'm loved. Who might this mystery person be that has changed my heart/mind about this day you may ask? Jesus!!! I know it sounds corny, but I don't care. He is my Valentine and that jacks me up, if you don't like that, too bad soo sad!!!!

****I was listening to many messages yesterday from the lady's at Mars Hill (woo hoo for podcast!!!!). One of them was on romanticism. It brought up some very interesting facts of how we desiring something, yet our God given desire is not pointed in the godly way, but rather through the stuff that is fed to us through movies. Try to match up what the movies are saying to us about what romance is about and then check it out in the Bible. The difference blew me away. It's left me with some things to think about.

****Another message I was listening to from the Mars Hill ladies talked about modesty. 1 Peter 3:3-5 is one of the infamous verses that are used when it comes to how we "should be" as women that is often misquoted and taken out of context. The speaker approached it as it is written and it opened my eyes up to some interesting things. The verses state: "3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." Most people stop after verse 3, as I have in the past. Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't dress with modesty out of love for our brothers. We are called out of love not to do things to make them stumble in areas where most of them are weak with lust etc and this includes the way we dress. But what was really expressed in this message is the importance that we need to find our worth and value through Christ and stop obsessing about how we look. What's important is now how we appear when we first start to talk with someone, but rather what we leave them with. When someone first starts to talk with me, depending on the day and the person I could get a variety of responses initially. I'm not the world deemed quintessential physically beautiful person, I've got some baggage, (that I'm dropping by the way woo hoo for getting healthy and not living behind fear anymore which is another post in and of itself), I have visible tattoos, after work my make up isn't as "perfect" as it was when I left the house. I'm not even going to talk about my hairstyle, or lack there of is more like it. But from the response that I get from leaving people most the time, they don't see me from my appearance once they are done talking to me. They are able to see something so much more beautiful. Even if I don't speak the name of Christ they are able to see Him in me whether they know that it's Him they are seeing or not. That's the way I always want it to be. We are called to be living epistles for all men to read. So that means that I not only say I'm a Christian, but I live like I am one as well. What an amazing day it will be when women are able to be more concerned with what on the inside, there heart and it's appearance and condition, that with the outside, which most people don't pay as much attention to as we psych ourselves into believing they do. I doubt most people even notice when I fix my hair and I have one side that is just not working for me. So that's why I don't obsess about such things. That's not to say also, that I don't try to be presentable, but ya know.

****I'm finally in a good place with some issues of the heart. God just walked me through a huge journey, or it seemed so at the time. I look back now and see just how much I have changed. It blows me away. This is something that most people don't know but before I really understood who Jesus was and what He was all about and the religion was stripped away from it all, today 3 years ago was a huge day in my life. It is one day that stands out of God saving me, in a literal sense. 3 years ago today was when my whole life bottomed out and everything around me was being stripped away and taken rather forcefully. My dad just so happened to send me flowers (I love the just so happens, because in all actuality that is God working in all of this glorious sovereignty in super stealth mode) which by the end of the day is what kept me alive. I almost ended it all today 3 years ago and looking back at how my life has unfolded and changed, it is nothing short of a miracle from God. I'm not the same person I was then, a year ago, or even yesterday. I keep moving forward and for that I am blessed, humbled and gracious. The most amazing thing is even though my life was crumbling around my feet and I was no where close to God, I seemed to know that God was allowing this all to happen, to let me be stripped of everything so He could build me back up into the person He created me to be. Guess that comforting thought back then is my reality now.

**** I had an interesting thought pop in my mind the other day. I've been learning A LOT about myself here lately and it dawned on me that the more I learn about myself the more I learn about God. I am created in His image, so everything good in me is an image of God, well a fraction of His whole image, but that amazed me. As I've been reading some books, Captivating & Wild at Heart, I've been learning a lot about God and His character. I'm blown away how as much as I learn about Him and understand Him more it's not even close to all of Him. I love the mystery of God. And His beauty. It's so captivating and He's captivated my heart!!

****That's all I've got for now. Yes this was rather long, but that alright!!!