Leaving on a jetplane

Originally posted October 23, 2007

I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again. I love that song. It's what I was singing in the shower this morning. It's actually partially true. I am leaving on a jet plane, however, I do know when I'm coming back again.

So I'm sitting in the airport awaiting my flight that will take me home until Saturday. I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to go home, on my company's buck, to partake in some IT training and in the process be able to chill with my family. Grams is soooo excited that I'm coming home that I'm getting to have Thanksgiving Dinner on Thursday. Granted that it is a month early, my grams loves me to death and since I'll be home she wants to do it. So I will graciously accept her enthusiasm and go along with it. I know that this is how she shows me that she loves me. That's something I've been thinking about lately. How do we show people that we love them? We all have our different ways. I'm a giving kind of person. Alot of people, especially of the male peoples, don't understand that and then they seem to think that there might be ulterior motives, when in actuality I just wanted to do something nice for them to show I care about them and the friendship I get. This is something I struggle with. I've tried to do something thoughtful for people and they either didn't receive it well by acting like they did care or things got awkward or whatever. Because of this, sometimes I've held back on being me. I know that I have a lot of offer people. I don't want the fear of what has happened in my past to detour me from showing the light that God has in me. It is really easy for me to fall back into that mode. I love the NEEDTOBREATHE song "Looks like love". That song is my new prayer. 'I don't want to run when it looks like love. I don't want to hide behind the fears of how my past has come undone.' This is in the sense of everybody even God. There are times that I am so blown away by Him that I'd rather hide behind the lies that have been my walls for so many years. Yet He still calls me out from behind these walls and covers me with His love. It's amazing. I can say that He has definitely taken my walls down here recently. It's been awesome, but there are moments when I want to freak out because it makes me so vulnerable. Even with my walls up I still got attached to people and had my heart crushed. Now with them down. Wow.. Scary thought at times. But I do take heart and know that God will protect me. I just have to ask. Just like flying home. I've always driven home. I've never traveled alone in an airport. When I have flown, which the last time was 7 years ago, I was in groups. I struggle because I'm one of those people that need to know what is going on. What is the way to proceed? How does this process work? Where do I go? Etc. etc. That's just the secretary in me. Then due to my mental fatigue satan likes to play with my mind and throw up all kinds of images of what could go wrong. But by the end of the night, I had my mind refocused on God and He took away my fear. He's what I'm going with. I'm going home one way or another. Either to see my family and work in Iowa or I'm going to Heaven. One way or another, I'll be ok. Then I started to think of the awesome opportunity to talk with people about him. Yes I switched out my purse to my books-a-million back so that could be my purse and I could carry more stuff, like my big Bible, which I plan on reading on the flight. So then my prayer was God just use me as your ears, eyes, mouth, and body. Speak through me and to me so you can get the glory of what you are doing in the world and in our lives. So then I was at ease. I'm feeling pretty good. As long as I can stay patient. I have about another 45 minutes until my flight. I've prayed over this flight multiple times. I will again once I get on the plane. Nicole's prayed with me. So I'm definitely getting some of God's peace right now. So speaking of that, peace out, and I'll write later on. ~Steph